Taiwan Undercover

China. Taiwan. What do you think of when I say those two words? What cliches come to mind? I always imagined them to be very similar. Sure, people always told me that Taiwan was much more developed and sophisticated than China, but I never believed them. Or if I did, there was no way I could imagine it. And I didn't have a whole lot of time to think about it before I got here.

Let me go back just a couple of days, so you can really understand what a chaotic mess I really was when I arrived in Taiwan. Last week, I went on this amazing retreat, called the Hoffman Institute, which focused on breaking all of the negative patterns I learned from my parents, and learning how to live a forgiveful and compassionate life. And it worked. So well, in fact, that when I went into a Safeway to buy your basic lunch stuff, and I felt like a deer in the head lights. WHAT THE FUCK. Everything was so bright, and so jarring, my head hurt. Me and a group of people ended up congregating around the fruit juice display (like moths drawn the brightest flame) before wandering down the isle, still in the group, and moving as quickly as felt safe. So you can understand why I wasn't feeling quite ready to go Taiwan yet.

After my dad dropped me off at the airport, I had to steel myself to go to security. I am fairly sure that I had that familiar deer in the headlights look about me, and I know that my heart was racing like a mad man's. So many people, and so many lines going everywhere! And everything was making noise. EVERYTHING. It was overwhelming. I am surprised no one stopped me and said what the fuck is wrong with you, because I had to keep closing my eyes, and taking deep breaths. I may or may not have been shaking by the time I got to my gate. Whereupon I discovered that my computer has permanently eaten one of my Hoffman cds. There goes my chance of ever watching a DVD on my computer ever again. It's a good thing I just got the DVD drive on my computer fixed. Awesome.

The flight was a breeze. If you ever in your life have the chance to fly EVA Air, take it. I have never been so impressed with an airline as I was with them. As soon as the hostess handed me a small thing of Haagen-Daaz ice cream, I was ready to kiss her. And after the obligatory Dramamine, my flight was set. Thank God for Dramamine. Seriously. Oh, and did I mention that they had a plug so you could charge your computer WHILE ON THE PLANE????? Fuck you United.

Of course, I had to wait for my bag for half an hour. That was so much. For one horrible minute, I envisioned that my bag had been lost in transit, and that I was now stuck with no clean underwear. It was not a happy moment. But then it came in sight, and I found my ride. Amy and Sen Chen. They are my guardian angels. It was 10:45 PM by the time we got in the car, and my head was spinning, from the heat, the Dramamine, and the fact that I am in Taiwan. But they were saints. Saints who were extremely relieved that I could speak Chinese. To their credit, they started with English, but it did not take much arm twisting to convince them to start using Chinese. And guess what? Speaking Chinese is just like riding a bike. There were a couple of embarrassing moments, which I will never admit to ever again, but I am getting back in the hang of it. It is almost like speaking English. ALMOST. And I was blown away by how clean everything was, and how orderly the cars were driving on the street. It is sad that I expect no one in Asia to follow traffic rules. It made me think that Taipei in actually a Western city undercover.

The fun really started as soon as we got to my dorm. My exhaustion, and the fact that I had just flown internationally 24 hours after getting back from Hoffman was finally kicking in. And we couldn't find my dorm room at first. All we could see where buildings in every direction, 15 stories high, and none of them were my dorm room. And then, as soon as we did (with the mosquitos doing there best to make sure we didn't have enough blood left in us to get there) we discovered that their computer was broken. This would only happen to me. You have to pay to get electricity in our room, and it all goes on a prepaid card that you add onto as you need. And since it was the middle of the night, I quite obviously needed electricity. Feeling my way around a brand new room in the middle of the night is not my idea of a good time. But anyway, the lady behind the computer needed the computer to charge the card, and the computer wasn't working. No bueno.

This entire time, Amy had been talking to me, helping me to see how Taiwan was laid out as we drove along the highway, pointing out landmarks so I wouldn't get lost, and telling me why the highways look the way they do. They kept telling me how the roads were laid out, so that I would always be able to find my way back. I could have hugged her, if it wouldn't have been more awkward than the both of us could handle. People here don't touch. If you thought I had problems hugging, just come to Taiwan. I will look like... someone who hugs a lot.

Back to the dorm room. I know you are all dying to know what happened. I was sitting at one of the tables with my bags, practically comatose from exhaustion and shock, while this lady made desperate phone calls trying to figure the problem out. Thankfully, Amy paid my deposit, which is more than I could have asked for. Right around 12:30, they finally told me that I could go to my room. Hallelujah. Our little procession moved along the corridor, opened the door, and looked around. At first glance, it looked fine, if a little spartan, and then we all took a closer look at the bed. Something wasn't right. My jet lagged brain took a little bit longer to process what was missing. Oh wait. The mattress was missing. My bed was a wooden plank. All I could think was, well, tonight is going to suck. Then I started imagining trying to buy a mattress tomorrow morning, and wrestle it into my room. Let me tell you, I got even more excited. I didn't know whether I should burst into tears then, or wait until after I had slept on the wooden plank.

Amy was outraged, to say the least. Then she saw the millions of little gnat bodies that littered my floor, and that was the last straw. She told me to take anything I desperately needed for the night, and then get back in the car, because she was taking me back to their house for the night. She said she would deal with it in the morning. And then proceeded to berate the poor lady behind the counter. If I hadn't been quite so tired, I think I would have felt bad for her, but as it was, my brain wouldn't function quite enough to actually decide how I was supposed to be feeling. All I could do was smile, nod, and follow. Anything else was too much. Amy was ranting in the car that the dorm people wouldn't let her into the dorm before I got there, otherwise she could have cleaned it up for me, and set it up for me. She was seriously not pleased. I tried to be polite, and sweet in the car, but my brain was so tired, I seriously couldn't do anything but respond. And I felt like a broken record, saying thank you all the time.

I don't know how much time any of you have spent in China, but if you have, you will know that Chinese people, as a general rule, are both extremely friendly, and extremely pushy. Aside from the stream of questions ("Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Can we get you anything?") they had a very good idea of how I was supposed to sleep. I was all ready to just take all my disgusting clothes off and just fall asleep, but nope. Amy gave me one of her old dresses, and told me to jump in the shower. Pause for a second. Try to imagine me in a 58 year old Chinese woman's sleeping dress. Laugh all you want. I definitely had a moment of mirth. And no, I didn't take a picture. So don't even ask. I tried to tell them I didn't need it, but there is just no reasoning with them.

I didn't sleep all that well (you will never ever find a Western sized mattress in China. It is all wooden boards and then mattress pads that are a couple of inches thick) and it is so humid that a very loud air conditioner had to be on all night. I woke up every hour, and finally gaving up with the air conditioner at 4:30, and sleeping all together at 6:30. I took that opportunity to continue on my Merlin marathon. I am currently on season 1, episode 6. You should totally watch that show if you haven't, by the way. Amazing. And right about where my mental capacity is at the moment.

This morning was defined by Amy, once again. She told me that I had just gained another mother in her, and she was going to treat me like her daughter. And she did. They gave me a desk lamp, a mattress pad, sheets, a pillow, a hair dryer, a mop, and a cell phone, with promises of a bike tomorrow. Amy then moved me back into my room, with both of them reassuring me that if I needed anything, at any time of day, all I needed to do was call them. How lucky am I? I am 100% that if I had had to deal with all this shit on my own, I would already be back in America right now. No questions.

This is an appropriate moment to comment on just how fucking beautiful this campus is. The main street is lined with coconut palms, and there are trees and grassy fields everywhere. Both of them work in a building about 5 minutes away from where I am going to be going to school. They showed me a bunch of the land mark buildings, and then Amy and I went out to breakfast. I bet you are thinking of some extravagant Dim Sum like thing for breakfast right? Wrong! (Not only because no where except Hong Kong actually has Dim Sum.) Nope, we went to Subway for breakfast. Yes, Subway. As in the sandwich place. What to know what I had for breakfast? Chicken sandwich with a chocolate chip cookie and a drink. Not what I was picturing either. She kept saying we were going to Subway, but I was hoping she meant we were going to take the subway somewhere. Serves me right for trying to be logical.

As I really want to make sure people keep reading my blog, I am not going to detail the rest of my day. But I will add a little more. I finally paid for internet in my room, and was then informed that I would have to wait until either this afternoon, or tomorrow morning for it to work. I was distraught. And then had the stroke of genius that every Starbucks has wifi. So guess where I ran right after my shower. Yep, Starbucks. And I am having a very hard time prying myself from this seat. I didn't even mind overpaying for a cup of tea. Don't ask me how much. I am going out to dinner tonight with Amy and Sen Chen, and then they are going to show me the supermarket. I'm going to have to do something extreme to forgive them. Stay tuned.

Miss you all. So much. But hopefully this way I can share a little bit of my amazing adventures with you. I'm going to try to do things I wouldn't normally do. :)