That's It... I'm Going Fetal

I could feel a huge cloud looming over me when I woke up this morning. It was going to be a pizzling of a day, after a pizzling of a week. But it was the last push, until the weekend. Last big effort until freedom. Unfortunately, it was going to have to be a long effort.

First things first. The end of week chapter test. Well, actually, the end of the week test on two chapters. To be specific. There was some last minute studying in the 15 minutes leading up to the exam, and then it was off to the races. I started out strong, and it got consistently worse. When I hit the small essay part, it was almost comical. There were points where I was answering the questions, writing down sentences and what not, but I could not for the life of me tell you what I was writing. I was just copying down answers from the paragraph that I had just read that looked like they could be the answers. Sometimes, I didn't understand the question, but I figured out a way. I have mastered the art of writing paragraphs that are so broad that they could be applied to just about any situation. It keeps things easy.

When that was done, it was on to the next tests. First up, reading the textbook. We had to read some paragraphs out loud to our teacher. That was pretty easy. My tones are definitely getting better and better, but I still have a long way to go.

Then it was time for the debate. We were insanely NOT prepared. We had met about half an hour before the debate, to decide what we wanted to say, and what order we were going to talk in. Basically, the rule of the day was every man (or woman) for his or her self. This was shaping up to be a good time. I was talking second. I planned on just reading my speech, which basically talked about the economic reasons why we have to develop the economy before protecting the environment. To put it simply, we all sounded like old man Republicans. But it was definitely the easier side to argue.

At the end of it, our side won. We all agreed, however, that even though we had won, the other side was correct. Ah well. I guess that is a pretty typical outcome. We were all so excited to be done with classes, and officially on weekend time, that as soon as the debate was over, no one was thinking about it anymore. Now, it was lunch time. But before we had lunch, the head of our program had to give out prizes for last week’s translation competition. I got third place, along with about 15 other people. Still, I’m excited. Never thought I would actually get a place.

For lunch, our program bought us pizza. Which was actually perfect timing, because I have been craving pizza for a long time. It’s weird how when you are away from the comforts of home, you start craving the weirdest things. Anyway, they bought us pizza because it was both quick (so that we could rest before we had to go take the HSK) and it was easy. Unfortunately, as soon as we were done with class, the pizza still wasn’t there. We only had to wait a couple of minutes before the pizza came, but when you have just finished class, and are starving, a couple of minutes can feel like a couple of hours.

For China pizza, lunch was actually pretty good. The crust was pretty legit. When I was younger, I used to be able to eat a whole pizza on my own, and then go out for ice cream afterwards. Now, I can handle about two slices, and no ice cream afterwards. I have become a lightweight. But maybe on this single occasion, being a lightweight is a good thing.

I had about an hour and half to relax, and try to get some semblance of normal back. My brain was fried after all my tests, and after I was trying to remember all of my vocabulary words. There was one point on my test, where we had to write a small essay, using 6 grammar points and 6 new words. As soon as I read those words, all of the words that we had learned, and all of the grammar points flew out of my head. Typical. You know how that goes. (To solve the problem, I simply looked back over the test, and used all of the grammar points and new words that we were being tested on. Worked like a charm.)

The HSK. The Crusher of Souls. The reminder that just when you think your Chinese is kind of sort of okay, well, it really isn’t. You really still have a hell of a long way to go, and it looks almost impossible. It started at 2 PM this afternoon, and I wasn’t worried about it at all. This isn’t to say that I didn’t think it was going to be hard. To put it simply, it was just very low on my list of things to do. I wasn’t getting a grade for it, and if I don’t test well, then I can just take it again later. So really, this test was just for fun. No pressure at all. It might also be because I am feeling completely checked out of school, but I feel like this is a healthy point of view to have.

It started out well. The listening comprehension was not too bad, and I felt like I had a pretty good handle on it. I made some stupid mistakes, but overall, I was on top of it. Then it started going downhill. The real kicker was the reading comprehension, in the form of long paragraphs, and then questions. Dear God, it almost killed me. There were paragraphs that I didn’t understand, and there were questions that I didn’t understand. It got to the point where I was simply going with my gut, and trying to pick the answers where I could recognize the most words. I think that overall, it must have gone well. I hope so anyway. I felt like the stupidest person in the room when I walked out.

By this point, I felt like I had just been squeezed and hung out to dry. I felt ready to go fetal. Actually, here is a good way to describe it. When I got back to my room, I felt like I was a disaster survivor. Not to belittle actual disaster survivors. But it was painful. I had been completely stripped down of Chinese. And I still felt like the stupidest person in the room, because I felt like everyone else had to have been better on the test than I did.

This feeling didn’t last for long. I left my room later on to go get some apples (these cravings are really getting annoying. No, I am NOT pregnant.) and I ran into my friend Kelly, who had also taken the HSK. Her mental state was a whole lot like mine, if not worse. She said that it was almost comical how hard the test was, and that she almost left. (Actually, I also talked to someone else who said that the only reason that she didn't walk out halfway through was because she was in the middle of the row and there was no easy exit.) This conversation actually made me feel a lot better, because I realized that I wasn't the only one who was despairing. For some people, the HSK was the straw that broke the camels back.

I went out for dinner and entertainment tonight. I went out with a couple of people from my class to Houhai, which is this really gorgeous place in the middle of Beijing, that is basically a bunch of bars around a HUGE lake. At night, it is beautiful, because the lights reflect off the lake. We went a Mexican restaurant for dinner (I had a chicken thing. It wasn't lovely), a strange place for desert, and then went out on the town in search of a suitable bar. We started out in Nanluo Guxiang, which is just a really foreigner infested hutong (but so pretty, and a lot of fun to walk down) before we decided that it was too expensive, and went to another place.

I'm not going to give you a big description, mostly because I don't know who is reading this. But, as I am sure that most of you know, I am a cheap drunk. I have no tolerance, at all. Mostly because I never drink. So when I do have a few, I am completely happy, and in my own little world. I didn't get drunk last night, but I was happy. And as far as I am concerned, that is the best way to be. When you drink. ANYWAY. We sat at a table right by the lake, and had an awesome night. Unfortunately, Houhai is super expensive, and I didn't have a lot of money on me. I took off at 12:30, and my friend and I got a cab back to school.

And that was my night. It was so much fun. Some of my friends stayed in Houhai, but I didn't have enough money to stay with them. I took a shower and went to bed as soon as I got back. And let me tell you, I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Goodnight!